Carpe Mañana

WordPress just told me it’s my three year anniversary of this blog. Today has been active, lots of old pals posting too which is great, glad y’all are still here.

I am at work and on my phone so this isn’t going to be too lengthy.

Carpe Mañana, was a FB memory from when I was in Santa Fe a couple of years ago. It couldn’t be more fitting for what I am trying to get my head around now. Don’t drink today so I can feel good tomorrow. (Holy shit the few hangovers I have had the last couple of months have been brutal and scary) so drinking has been every 10 days or so but its only fun for an hour and then my stop button doesn’t work at all and I have missed work and other activities due to almost dying from hangovers. I hate it but I keep doing it however I have gotten better about not giving in EVERY time.

I am super thin right now. It’s beginning of summer and I can’t regulate my body heat. Fucking freezing all of the time. I have been restricting too much and that shit has got to change. I became super aware of my size last weekend at my EMT class when I was pretty popular for being the one on the backboard, strapped down and carried. It bothers me a lot that I can’t get a handle on the food. I am just not hungry and forcing myself to eat is torture. It’s not that I want to be thin, I am taking this EMT2 course so I can be on ski patrol next year. You have to be burly and muscly and while I am a strong skier and know I would be good at it, I also have to “man up” and gain some weight.

This is all doable.

I have another motivating factor, I booked a ski trip to Chile for August. I did this sober. It’s super spendy and I dropped a lot of cash on it. It’s a ski camp- I will be getting coached by ex-Olympians and their trainers and it’s something that I have always wanted to do and I am not going to feel guilty about the money I have spent on it. Thank God it’s all inclusive and I will only need money for incidentals going forward. I am excited but kinda scared too.

Oh and I have decided not to date for a year. Another story for another day but it’s been nice. No interest in any of that, I have a broken picker and I am better off right now. One less thing to worry about for awhile.

Here’s to tomorrow 😊

12 thoughts on “Carpe Mañana

      1. Thank you so much. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. But worth it. Until we are free of it, we don’t really know just how much of a grip it has/had on us. Keep on keeping on! 👍💜

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I have also gotten better at the not every time. Also not buying huge 1.5L bottles of wine anymore either bc I know I cannot drink one of those on my own anymore like I used to be able to. Gross, I can’t even imagine🤢. I usually just end up pouring most of the booze I buy on a whim down the drain bc I hate myself in the morning and hate then booze even more sitting on the kitchen counter or left on the living room table.

    As for the gaining weight, it’s def doable. Go to the gym once a week, lift some weights and then go two times a week and carry on etc. Eat the protein and try the stairclimber as well, it’ll help enhance your lung capacity for all those EMT adventures and ski camp.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good to hear from you and good luck with the food issue. That’s a tough one, I bet. I’ve gone 52 of the last 68 days not drinking so I’m happy with that even if it’s not 100%. Everytime I try it, I’m quickly reminded why it’s not something I want to be doing!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi! I’m happy to see you’re still here. Even though I’ve not been around I’ve thought about you, wondered how you were doing. Sounds like you’ve got exciting plans as usual. I’m sorry you’re struggling with some stuff but happy to hear about your positive decisions too x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi! I’ve wondered about you too. Did you change your blog and I missed it- I mean, on geared towards creative stuff?
      I was on my way home from work and almost stopped for alcohol but then I had a bit of a cry in bed and forced myself to eat, and I am ok, for now. Going to ease into the weekend and stay on the good side. It means a lot that you popped in

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m glad you didn’t stop for booze, good for you. I hope you stay strong and have a good weekend.

        Nothing changed on my blog, nothing happened there at all for a year. Scary how time flies. The creative stuff has been bubbling away for years I’m just finally finding the right direction to take it in. Not drinking helps of course.

        It’s good to ‘see’ you too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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