Another email to Belle

Holy Fucking Hell. It’s another day one. If this isn’t the last one, then fuck me.

It was the new boyfriend, I didn’t want to go on the date and I did and I’m not a terrible person, I just have a drinking problem. And boundaries problems and I wish I would’ve listened to my gut that said don’t go after he had sent me some demeaning texts earlier in the afternoon about Bill Cosby and other fucked up shit.
He’s a creep. I asked him several times to not talk to me like I was a prostitute and he wouldn’t stop. Actually, said he wasn’t paying me. When we got to his house, I refused to go in because I didn’t want to have sex and was going to walk home, or walk up the street and get a taxi or an uber, I just needed to get out of there. My friends didn’t live too far, so I was heading in that direction, nevermind that it’s midnight. He caught me out in the street and physically brought me back, he was berating me, calling me a fucking cunt, slut and a whore. I told him I will just sleep in my car until I can drive and he called the cops. I was just trying to get him to leave me alone so I could figure a way out of there.

I sat on the curb and waited for the cops who stayed with me until my brother could get there to pick me up. The cops told me he was an asshole and that they had had other situations with him before. And they were very kind to me. We all agreed I shouldn’t be driving. They knew I was stunned, I could not believe he called the cops. He told me he was calling them as a precaution that he didn’t get a sexual misconduct accusation because he’s a professor and that would be bad for the university, he told the police that he needed a drunk female escorted from his property. I wasn’t that drunk, (the cops even agreed) I just wasn’t taking his shit and he wasn’t getting what he wanted.

I had a few beers. Got treated as if I were an object, didn’t want to have sex and got the cops called on me. What a great time?

So, no more dudes and no more booze. I hate that this happened and I don’t think the universe could give me a bigger sign.

Thank God it wasn’t any worse than it already is… and at least the cops were nice. It took a minute for my brother to come so I took their picture to have a memory of how fucked up this is. And my brother was very understanding and glad I was ok and gave me advice/lecture about how there are more crazies in this world than kind people like us. And it doesn’t matter if they have a Ph.D or work in a ditch that I have to believe them the first time when they act like a dick. Have zero tolerance for bad behavior.

I didn’t want to tell you either, and i almost didn’t. I wish I would have stayed home but I didn’t because I am lousy for giving people the benefit of the doubt, after he apologized for the texts, I figured I was reading too much into it and it was just a date. I was going to tell him about my decision that you and I have been discussing.

I retrieved my car this morning and a little of my scruples but the rest of the day is a wash.

So, when wolfie starts up again, I will show myself this fucking photo and try to be grateful.

I have a good therapist. I see her again next Wednesday. In the meantime, I will lay low.

Thanks for reading and I am sorry too.