I’m wondering if it was a bad idea to tell/show my therapist how I don’t have to unbutton my pants to get them off anymore.
We spent the better portion of the 90 minutes talking about in patient treatment. I’ve done two stints of out patient. The thoughts of going somewhere for a month to eat and do therapy all day sounds so relaxing. Away from all of this crap. My crappy job, my house work, the loneliness.
I said what about regular treatment…. like for alcohol. And she said it’s the anorexia that is the culprit. It’s why I’m not making headway on the depression and the relapse nor the trauma.
I’ve been seeing her for a year and a half. I think I trust her. I don’t think she would intentionally try to steer me wrong. She knows I have been working hard at getting my shit together. Even today, me not flipping out over her suggestion is progress.
She said she was going to gather some resources and get back with me. Most of these places are out of state. I don’t think she trusts the last treatment center I went to in January because they discharged me rather suddenly for depression. My weight has trended down since then…. And I am really not doing it on purpose.
I told her I was worried because I didn’t meet criteria. “You do and fortunately because you don’t have a feeding tube in your nose, these places I am suggesting won’t take feeding tube people.” I guess it’s best to not wait for a feeding tube. So maybe a month away is the best thing even though logistically- I’m having a hard time comprehending.