The Ski School Director asked me to come up to the resort and meet with him this morning to discuss next winter. It was the best job interview I have ever had (I knew I had the job,) we had to make it formal. He was so nice and complimentary and told me I was cool, that he liked me and I was exactly what they needed for their team of instructors next year. He said he wasn’t going to start me at the bottom of the pay scale because I have experience, even though its been twenty years and if I can get my PSIA (Professional Ski Instructors of America) certification in early in the year, they will raise it to the next tier. I was a level II when I was in college which is difficult to get because of the clinics and testing but I let my dues go and now I have to start over which is fine.
I need some refreshing and I am sure things have changed, God knows the equipment has. We used to teach together at a different resort back in the 90’s but he was out doing private lessons and I was stuck with the running noses in groups of children. I don’t think he remembers me but I remember him.
I came away from that meeting feeling really good, even though I listened to a sober podcast driving up there and was totally riding with the not drinking thing and that this is a good choice. Thankful that I didn’t cave last night, the interview was what was getting me through to today and as soon as I got back to the car to head home, I felt like I should go to the liquor store. Get some wine. Celebrate. See if my girls will answer their phones this evening. I feel good. I was just making all of this shit up about how alcohol is not for me.
So, the phone could ring. I could slip.
I have been thinking a lot about the relationship with my girlfriend that I wrote about the other day. I haven’t spoken to her. I have seen her posts on social media… she’s been to three concerts, two in Vegas and then one here over the weekend and she got mad at me about fucking potato chips and a candy bar because she doesn’t have any money. It’s really amazing that I even ate the things because of my history of anorexia. It just still blows my mind. I know there is more to it. I’m unsure of what the chocolate and potato chips represent to her. Maybe she thought that I took advantage of her hospitality. I don’t fucking know. Now, I am getting worked up thinking about it again.
I did a meditation last night with Insight Timer about letting hurt feelings go, watch them turn into smoke and visualize them going out the window. My bed is next to a window and at first it was hard (because I suck at letting things go) then it started working and it was the last thing I remember until I dreamed that my cat had stolen my keys and put them in her fur pants pocket that I couldn’t get to… little shit.
Anyhoozle, I got a text from the friend today saying she had a check for me from when I worked with her and asked how she could get it to me. I wanted to reply, “with an apology” or “why don’t you just keep it and put it in the potato chip/chocolate fund” but I am still waiting to respond until I can be an adult in the situation. It’s all so incredibly laughable. Fucking ridiculous.
I have another hour to go before the cravings start to wane. I would take my dog for a long walk but the street was so hot on his paws yesterday that we didn’t get three steps off the grass. And it’s hotter here today than it was yesterday. I feel too guilty walking without him.
Sober On! Sober Folk